Transforming Relationships

0:10Thank you for listening to the Sermon Audio Podcast. Cross from the Ford Baptist Church of the Rocktail Podcast. For more information about our church offer directions, you can visit us online at www.crbcrocktail. Praise and peace to you, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

0:40Good morning again. Let us turn to the book of Ephesians. We are indeed finishing chapter four this morning, covering verses uh twenty nine through the end of chapter four, verse thirt. If you looked in your bulletins this morning, you will see the title of our sermon this morning is Transforming Relationships. As we begin, then let's quickly reconsider last week. We began looking at a series of commands given by Paul as to how we are to walk in light of the reality of this new life that we have been given in Christ. And that series of commands then began in verse 25 with the first uh triplet. And that was put away all falsehood. That is to be truthful in all that we do, be angry and do not sin. Right? Be angry about sin in an effort to put it off, but never let that anger become bitterness or vengeance. Finally, do not steal. We're to think of everything we do as a means to benefit others as opposed to a means to enrich ourselves. And certainly I could say more in recap. There's much more we will still discuss about those particular things as we continue on. What we can say, though, is that those three commands, those are very inwardly focused commands. Those are transformations that need to happen to us internally. And certainly, disobedience to those commands does have external consequences, but they are directed at the person. A call for putting off specific personal actions. This week, then, as we get to the second set of three, plus one extra that we'll talk about when we get to it, we see that these are primarily concerned with external things, with our relationship with others. Hence the title of the sermon: Transforming Relationships. The big idea this morning then is how do our relationships transform under the power of the gospel? The power of the gospel is meant to shake up our whole lives, right? It's meant to transform our whole person internally and externally. Not only our personal actions, but also all of our relationships. Amen. But it's never just about you. So when we say that we have a personal faith, we mean that it is grounded in our personal relationship with God, but it isn't your faith alone. It moves through you, it transforms you. And then it moves out to others as it changes everything in your life. I'm praying that that's what we desire. To have our whole lives turned around for good and for God. To have ourselves transformed inwardly. Have all the relationships transformed outwardly. This is what we will endeavor to do as we discover the full depths of this gospel of grace. So let us stand this morning once more as we read our text, starting in verse 29. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. This is the word of the Lord. Lord, we thank you again for your word. We pray, Lord, and ask this morning as we dive into these commands, Lord, that cause us to think about our relationships in light of your gospel, Lord, our actions and our relationships in light of your gospel, Lord. I pray and ask that you would open our hearts and reveal those transformations that still need to take place, Lord. Would you speak to us now and through your word? Lord, convict us, shape us, and change us and transform us by your word. It is in the name of Jesus that I pray. Amen. Have you ever had a conversation with a serial interrupter? Have you? I pose that as a general question, but I think it's rhetorical. I think we've all had a conversation with a serial interrupter. Maybe you are the interrupter. Someone who will just not let you finish a sentence, right? Won't even take a breath without jumping in with some interjection. How about someone who does let you finish speaking but pushes immediately to a new thought without so much as an acknowledgement of what you have said? How about someone who dominates every conversation? Never a listener, always a speaker.

7:29Have I poked anybody yet?

7:33I start there because I want us to see how deep I believe this command goes when fully applied. On verse 29, and in verse 29 of our text, the NASB reads as follows Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification. The NASB there with that repetition of the word word is capturing the clear implication of the text that we could get lost in a literal word-for-word translation. If there is anybody out there who has an N A NASB, you will see in the second half of verse 29 that that word in your text, a word, in verse 29, is it in italics? Which means that it is not in the literal translation of the Greek, but it is added to properly convey the intent of the passage. And I think it successfully does that. I will read that again from the NASB. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification. The intent is to contrast the use of unwholesome words with good words, corrupted words with redeemed words. It's a fitting contrast because this whole section is a contrast of the man, old man, right? The unwholesome man with the new man, with the redeemed man. So just as radical as a change from a dead man in his sins to an alive man in Christ, there is and must be a radical change in that redemption from a corrupted speech and an wholesome speech to good speech, to redeemed speech. This necessarily includes all kinds of speech. The Christian has to see their speech as one of perhaps their most powerful weapon in all situations, for ill or for good. This is what James argues, right? You know it, James chapter 3. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire, and the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life and setting on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, a reptile, the sea and creature can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brother, these things ought not to be so. And a good word. What is the best word? It's the divine logos, the word incarnate, the word made flesh, the word that was with God, and the word that was God. It was through that perfect speech that the world was created. It was through that good gospel speech, even now that souls are one. Words, speech has tremendous power. It can create life. Speech is powerful. I'm taking time then to labor this point because I want us to avoid the temptation just to stay in the shallow end. With the text here, by just reading this verse 29, let no uncorrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such things as good for building up, as is fits the occasion. I want to avoid the shallow end by just saying, look, just church, don't use foul language. Don't tell crude jokes. Don't say anything that harms others. Those things are true. Don't do those things. But to let that be the focus really minimizes the aim of Paul's argument here. The glorious news for us is that the transformative power of the gospel redeems our speech. It gives us power to use it for good. That which was formerly a slave to sin, namely the tongue, as James says, that which was full of deadly poison, it was interruptingly selfish. It was a restless evil, James says. That under the power of the gospel has been transformed into an instrument of goodness and grace, an instrument of healing and compassion and edification. This is the power of the gospel. This is the power of grace that can transform a deadly poison, a restless evil, into an instrument of healing and compassion and edification. And this must be true. Because the tongue is connected to a mouth, and a mouth is connected to a person, which is connected to a soul, which is connected to Christ. Whole persons, remember? So our speech must be totally changed by grace. We must speak totally different than the world. Can you imagine if everything that came out of your mouth, imagine this for a moment, if everything that came out of your mouth, every conversation you had, everything that you said built others up and gave grace to the hearer? If every situation you were gracious in listening well, if in every conversation you were gracious and thoughtfully in your responses, if in everything you were gracious in the things that you said, how would that change your relationships with the people in your life? How would that change your relationships if people left every conversation with you overwhelmed with how thoughtful and how gracious and how uplifting and how edifying you were?

15:21This is redeemed speech. Because gracious speech flows from a gracious heart.

15:33Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. A gracious heart speaks of graciousness. And a gracious life is a winner of souls. Proverbs 11, verse 30. The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life. And whoever captures souls is wise. How well do you listen? How thoughtful do you respond? How well do you build others up? What do you talk about with others? Work, weather, politics, sports, social media, clothes, cars? Not that those things are bad. They're not. How often do you look someone in the eye and ask them how they were are doing? But really ask them. And then close your mouth and listen. How often is your speech intentional in building others up and encouraging? I know the answer to all those questions. How quickly do we run to those juicy details of life, the tea, as the kids say? Didn't think I'd ever work that in, did you? As opposed to first seeking an opportunity to give grace to the hearer, to build up, to offer wisdom and encouragement. A kind or thoughtful word. Again, that's the point that we often miss. The power of the transforming grace is not primarily about suppressing the bad speech, as it is redeeming speech to be good, to be weapons for good. Wielding this great power of our tongue to build others up, to use words to heal, to use words to help, to encourage, to teach, to impart wisdom, to counsel, to guide. That's redeemed speech. But far too often we let those occasions for offering grace pass because we can't get past the headlines or the weather or the gossip or unwholesome speech. One more reference from the Old Testament. This is Isaiah chapter 50, verse 4. The Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary? Morning by morning he awakens, he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught. Don't let the blessed word of God, or sorry, doesn't the blessed word of God sustain us when we are weary? Doesn't the word of God sustain us when we are weary? Isn't it the ever and infinitely wise word of God that sustains us? May his words be our words for others. But he must awaken our ears to hear as those who are taught. Isaiah says. And when we seek his word, and when we seek his wisdom, then may he also give us like Christ the tongue of those who are taught, that we too may have a word to sustain the weary. That's much more difficult and pressing a command than, hey, church, stop cussing, stop telling bad jokes, right? But this is the way, church. Also, though, stop cussing and telling bad jokes. Okay. We come now then to verse 30, and I will read it again for us. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. And it seems here that Paul throws in an extra command that is perhaps a little out of place, right? Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. What are we talking about, though, in this section? In case you missed it the previous hundred times, we're talking about a transformed life. Talking about lives and relationships transformed by the power of the gospel and by his grace. The Holy Spirit, then, is given to us to seal us for the day of redemption. Among other things, this is, of course, support for the doctrine of perseverance of saints, right? That upon the regeneration by faith and the giving of the Holy Spirit, that person is sealed with an eternal justification, having been inhabited by the very Spirit of God. Church, do you realize that? That the Spirit of God is dwelling in you continually. He is residing in you. So, yes, we can indeed grieve him when our external actions don't match or don't align with his character and nature. This is Paul's way of saying to the Ephesians what he said to the Galatians in chapter 3, verse 27 for as many of you were baptized into Christ, have put on Christ. Christ. You can't hide from him anymore. And just as you put on Christ, his death and his resurrection through the waters of baptism, you have also been baptized by his spirit. That is, you've been cleansed, you've been sealed by the indwelling of the Spirit of God. The Spirit of God, again, is living in you. This is something you must meditate on continually. He's been given to you by grace. He is keeping you unto salvation. He is walking with you through all things. He is constantly teaching you. We must not grieve him. In light then, of all that he has done, we put away all those external things that don't align with that internal reality. What are those things then that would grieve the spirit? What are those things that are misaligned with his nature? Paul gives us some of those in our text this morning, but I certainly don't think this is an exhaustive list. In verse 31, he begins and lists a handful of things: bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. These must go. These must go. Because they're at odds with the spirit of truth and grace. We also see that these things are very relational, dealing with how we treat, how we interact with others. Bitterness here is a sour, negative, always complaining, always critiquing, always finding the problem kind of attitude. There are people, and you know these people, who can find good in every bad situation. And then there are people who can, in every situation, dig up something bad from the good. This is a bitter person. This grieves the Holy Spirit. Wrath and anger need little explanation except to say that this is the unholy kind. Not anger against sin or wrath against unjustice, but a spirit of vengeance, a spirit of hatred towards people, a constant anger and frustration with people, with life circumstances, just a perpetual anger. Is not everything a gift from God according to his purposes? I've been talking about that a lot through 1 Samuel. Is not every path laid out by him?

25:07Then what are you so angry about? This grieves the spirit.

25:16A clamor is losing of control in fits of anger and shouting. All those videos you see of uh, pardon the pejorative, Karen's losing their minds at a minimum wage employee who messes up their order. This is clamor. Not to say men can't clamor because they can, but women are indeed uniquely disposed to clamor. This can ultimately be characterized as uncontrolled emotions, emotional outbursts. This grieves the spirit. Slander and malice, these are the harming of others with our speech. As the commandment tells us, thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. This includes anything that would demean, degrade, put down, talk about, gossip about our brothers and sisters. This grieves the spirit. All those things are damaging to our relationships.

26:43And don't act like you don't. Because I know you do.

26:49We all do. Let's be honest about it though, and let's together address it and be transformed. And this is where we will come to our last section. This transformation can and it will take place, but there is a very specific way that the transformation must be done. Verse 32 be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. It's not time to go yet. I'll say that again. There's a lot of bad ways to change habits.

27:40There's only one effective way.

27:44This is through, this is not an original statement, positive replacement. That's not a novel idea for me or anyone else. We talked about this extensively in the book on spiritual disciplines that we went through about a year ago or so. And there we learned that the only effective way to change a bad habit or a poor discipline was to replace it with a good one, or to cover it with a good one. That's again, that's not a new idea to Donald Whitney in that book, and many others have taught this principle, along with way back Paul here. We can go even further back to Proverbs, even Proverbs 13, verse 4, the soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. Laziness is overcome through diligence. And so it shouldn't surprise us then that Paul, after giving all of those negative commands, those things that we put off, those things that we avoid, those things that we shun, he's now given us positive commands to replace them with. Patchy spots, sorry, nowhere did I read that the best way to remedy those patchy spots of grass was to chop up and cut out all of that grass. The soil is there, the conditions for growth are there. So how do I fix that? What needs to be done is to fertilize and to water those areas. You give them some positive attention, and in doing that, the patches are healed. But how? By new growth coming in and taking over the dead, covering the dead. Those patchy spots in my yard are getting better now. So, where did the dead patches go? Where did they go? Did the dead grass pack up and move away? Suddenly everything was green again? Did I wrestle hard enough with those dead patches that they finally gave up and just turned green? No, the new life, the new growth slowly moved in, and the death was covered with life. Okay, so in our lives, what do we do? We fertilize with the truth of God's word. We water with a heavy dose of preaching, of worship, of exhortation, godly wisdom, and then we plan for the new growth to move in and push out the bad. This is how we change. And Paul says as much as he directly contrasts those grievances that he mentioned with the good that should be practiced in its place. This is the new life that practices kindness to one another. I'm not going to go on a tangent about kindness versus friendliness. I think I've done that before, but those are very different things. For our purposes this morning, kindness is the opposite, or kindness is the contrast to bitterness. Okay? Kindness is the contrast to bitterness. Whereas bitterness is cold, standoffish, bitterness is distant and detached, kindness is warm, it's present, it's available, it's helpful. If your life, church, is filled with patches of bitterness, if your life is filled with patches of bitterness, the remedy, the prescribed remedy for you, be kind to one another. Kindness. Colossians 3, verse 12, put on then, as God's chosen one, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, bearing with one another. Paul tells the Galatians, the fruits of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness, gentleness and self-control. Proverbs 31 tells a woman who is faithful or kind instruction is on her tongue. Wisdom through faithful and kind instruction. Proverbs 19 says that we lend to the Lord when we are kind to the poor. Micah 6, verse 8, God is good as those who do justice, who love kindness, and who walk humbly. Proverbs 11, those who are kind benefit themselves. I could continue, I think you get the point. Church, we need to be a kind people. And if you would diligently practice kindness, surely this virtue would cover all of your bitterness, and it will. Do you struggle with anger and wrath? Do you live frustrated, always on a war path, grumpy, mean spirited? Let me prescribe you a remedy. Tender-heartedness is the remedy. Remember back in verse 19, he says, of those Gentiles who are still walking in their pagan ways, that they have become hard-hearted. He says, they have been calloused. They have become unmoved. They are full of anger and wrath that has made them calloused. I read that for the ancients, they considered the affections or our affections in our bowels, in our stomachs. So Jeremiah in his cry of anguish, he says, My bowels, my bowels. I writhe in pain, O the wall of my heart. I think this is why we use, I didn't look it up. I assume this is why we use this expression when we hear that something as terrible has happened to somebody, we say, My stomach hurts for them. It's a mental picture of the tender-heartedness we are after. It's the deep feeling of sympathy and affection for people that we hurt for them on the inside. We bear with them, we are softened to them. This is demonstrated by Paul in Philippians 1 in verse A, where he says, For God is my witness how I yearn for you all with the affections of Christ Jesus. That word affections there in the Greek translates as inward parts. Our guts should hurt for people. Our inward parts should be sympathetic towards others. This is tender-heartedness. This is a virtue we must cultivate and one that will surely cover wrath and anger. Finally, are you a Karen? Are you quick to find fault and point it out? That's what I'll say. Are you quick to find fault and point it out? Do you quickly lose control of your emotions? Do you fly off the handle? What is the remedy for such a grievance? Forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. How many of our emotional tantrums could we avoid if we just forgive as God in Christ has forgiven you? Oh, how quick we are at times to take a shot when we find fault or explode in a show of emotion. Everyone is all in a fit of clamor. And the life that covers this is a forgiving heart who recognizes the patience and forgiveness that was shown to us in Christ. In closing, then, we talk a lot about but God, right? We maybe mentioned it this morning in Bible study. And we were by nature children of wrath like the rest of mankind, but God. We talk less, though, about an equally important phrase that we get in our text this morning, and that is the phrase listed in verse, the end of verse 32, as God in Christ forgave you. We are to practice these positive virtues and to forgive one another as God in Christ forgave you. We do these things because God does these things. His grace through his spirit, we are commanded and empowered to act as God acts. This is the positive we must see. It is not so much that we avoid all of the negatives, rather, we run to and embrace and push the positives because it is here where we begin to act as God acts. It is here where we are transformed into the likeness of Christ. Not as though I am saying we can or should act like little gods, not saying that, but here we begin to act like the one true and living God. We can truly act as God acts. If that makes you uncomfortable to hear, you might not like the next sermon. Look down in your Bibles to chapter 5 and verse 1.

38:23What does it say? Do you want that? Do you want to imitate God?

38:38Do you want your relationships and your lives and your lives transformed with the power of his grace? Then receive the gospel message this morning. That at the appointed time Christ died for the ungodly, while we were still weak. For a righteous person, one would scarcely die, but God shows his love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. While we were his enemies, he went to the cross. How? In loving kindness, in tenderheartedness, and forgiving, saving us from the wrath of God, reconciling us and giving us life. If that truth doesn't compel you, as verse one of chapter five says, to imitate your God, then you don't know God. This is my very original, very original exhortation about the power of God's grace to transform our lives and our relationships. Ask this question to yourselves.

39:48What would Jesus do? It's funny, but it's true.

39:57The more you know God through his word, the better we know indeed how God would respond in every situation. And because we see how he responds in these situations, and we then arrive at this guiding principle that transforms our relationships. And the guiding principle is this that we act like God acts. We do what he does, we do what Christ does. But that's impossible, right? I can't do it. I don't know where to start. How could I ever? I have so many bad habits. I don't know. Use all the examples you want. Fair enough. Have to start somewhere though, right? How about we start here? Church. Be kind to one another. Be tenderhearted. Forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. Can we start there? I know you can. And I trust you can because you have the Spirit of God living in you. And if you ask him, that will be a prayer he will surely answer. So as we seek then together to have our lives and our relationship transformed under power of the gospel, as we seek to cover the sin of our lives with new life, let us start there. Kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiving. Amen. Let's pray. Lord, we thank you for your word this morning that has indeed challenged us, Lord, and encouraged us, both in the gospel and in your commands, Lord. So we pray and ask, Lord, that this week you would allow us to meditate on these truths, Lord. Would you reveal to us those things in which we still need to put away, Lord, the wrath and the anger and the clamor, Lord? Would you help us to recognize those, Lord? And by your Spirit, would you help us to start positively pushing that deadness out, Lord, with the power of your goodness and the power of your grace, Lord? Would you help us by your grace to practice those things, Lord? To be kind, to be tenderhearted, to forgive. Would you help us to see the power of our speech, Lord, that the transformative power of our speech? Helping us positively use it for good, for building up of others, and for your glory, Lord. Transform our relationships, Lord. We ask, Lord, please, by your grace, would you transform our relationships? And we will indeed give you all the glory when you answer that prayer. We thank you, Lord. We ask all these things in the name of Jesus. Amen.